a letter to my real mom, Madonna

[Guest ditaluver]

http://mobile.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/a-letter-to-my-real-mum-madonna/story-fnet0he2-1227353541329

TO MY real Mother,

Even though weve never met, your influence has permeated and directed my every move since I became aware that you were, in fact, my mum. When I saw you standing naked except for a pair of sky high stilettos and a cigarette dangling between your crimson lips on your Girlie show tour poster the day I realised who you truly were, I knew that from afar you would ensure my path in life by setting a sterling example in your own.Today I wish to thank you, Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone, for helping me to become the woman I am today.

Darling Mother while there is no biological proof of our connection, in my heart I know that in 1978 you made a secret trip to Australia where you met and fell in love with a small, wiry, Italian guitarist named Vincenzo. You had a wild one night stand in a seedy motel room and then 9 months later gave birth to me in a public toilet.

Not knowing what to do, and with no-one to turn to you left me wrapped in a studded, fringed leather jacket on Dads doorstep. You then ran away to New York to pursue your dreams, never to be heard from again.

Dad and I have never actually spoken about this however I can tell by looking into his eyes that thats EXACTLY what happened. In 1980 you joined a punk rock band called Emmy, which is what my family call me. In my mind that is proof enough.

Mother Madonna you were the first outspoken, short haired, muscular Italian woman that I had ever encountered. You were just like me, only you touched your vagina in public way more than I did. You were fierce, unapologetic and didnt give a f*** about what other people thought of you.

When I was 10 years old you released Like a Prayer and that song changed everything. It also resulted in me setting fire to the lounge room when I attempted to recreate your burning crucifix scene from the video clip, my other Mother was extremely upset with me but I knew that you wouldve approved of the green shag pile carpet being sacrificed for art.

As an 11 year old you were the reason I bonded with the AIDS patients at the infectious disease hospital my other Mother worked at. I would hang out with them in the hospice talking only of you. These glorious men of course believed me and once I told them that you were my real Mother they would immediately tell me how much we looked alike.

Mother we also share that in common, the gay community continue to lie to me, love me and hold my career up as well.

Now at 36, but still looking 29, I too find myself somewhat in the public eye. Im Australias Madonna. Dont google it, just trust me.

They may not know it yet but I have enough belief for everyone. I have two daughters and I am also in show business, that gene runs strong with us. Im a singer, a writer and a stand-up comedian. We are exactly the same except for the millions of dollars, world wide fame and 20 year old back up dancer/lovers.Much like you I have spent my career being told I am too everything. Too loud, too opinionated, too scary, too strong, too much. I did a soul destroying stint on Breakfast radio in Perth, and my first month there I was subjected to a listener advisory board meeting. This involved inviting listeners in, putting them in a small room, putting me in another room where I could hear everything that was being said, stuffing them with free pizza and asking them to verbalise all the things they didnt like about the on air team. In this case it was just me. I was made to listen to people say things like Her voice is so annoying, She seems like a complete bitch, She is SO opinionated.

During my time on air I received various threats, battled against both my co-hosts and my boss to attempt to maintain some sort of dignity on air and had things written about me in online forums that I felt only I had thought about myself in my darkest moments.

I was constantly told that who I was wasnt right, that I needed to change in order for people to like me. That I was a diva and impossible to work with. To be fair, I probably was a lot of the time.

It wasnt all bad, but I was lost in the wilderness, questioning all that I am for most of it. I hit rock bottom less than a year in when I found out I was expecting my second child and knew that could mean certain death for my career.

Then, in late 2005 you came back to me, you showed yourself again, resplendent in a pink leotard releasing Hung Up. It was yet another brilliant reinvention an up yours to anyone who dared call you irrelevant.

I felt reborn, powerful and sure-footed once more. I ended up quitting that radio job, moving back in with my parents and writing my first ever one woman stand-up show. I havent looked back since. I, like you, prefer to perform sans pants.

Thank you for showing me that it is OK to be both a devoted Mother and on a podium drenched in glitter. That I can remain fiercely myself and still raise impressive offspring. I am so sorry that recently you have been heavily criticised for daring to still have a career. Im sorry that it is mainly women tearing at you, the same women who probably wore lace fingerless gloves, multiple cross necklaces and belted Cherish into their hairbrushes.

Thank you for maintaining the rage you magnificent bitch, here is to the next 30 years and our eventual emotional reunion.

Yours in loyalty, Lycra and love,

Em

Em Rusciano is a comedian, writer, singer and regular news.com.au columnist. You can follow her on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.

This letter was originally read out at Women of Letters in Sydney, with the theme A letter to the person I never thanked.

[Guest ditaluver]

Is this supposed to be serious???? Lmao

[juliebean]

LOL the woman sounds a little crazy. hahaha!

[FreeMySoul]

I wonder how many letters Madonna gets jut like this her people need to filter through on a daily basis lol

[Nonoka]

Well some expressions in the letter are rather...extreme...but to be honest some parts are pretty lovely too. I guess this woman has found her main inspiration for life in M's work, and that's absolutely fine. Honestly, M and her music did "guide" me through some harder times as well and more often than not, I feel like I can relate to what M says when it comes to all kinds of life issues.

...Unless, of course, the letter is just a giant satire? She's a comedian after all...

[Paul]

Em was a contestant on Australian Idol back in the early days. A good strong singer but nothing amazing. And she didn't sing any Madonna songs on the show. Now she's a comedian (just like Madonna!).

[Jazzy Jan]

Em has always been a huge Madonna fan. She is a comedian so it is also tongue in cheek while getting her love across. It is astounding how many famous Australian women adore Madonna and talk about her. Comedians, singers, actresses, reporters and panellists - you name it.

Apart from Em, others that frequently talk of their love for Madonna are Meshel Laurie, Carrie Bickmore, Lisa Wilkinson, Myf Warhurst, Ruby Rose,, Julia Zemiro, Kate Ceberano, Melissa Doyle, Fifi Box, Caroline Wilson, Rebecca Gibney, Dannii Minogue and Gretel Killeen. ( Australians will know who they are ) I love it as it proves to me that intelligent strong women love Madonna and bucks the myth that a lot have that other women hate Madonna. So many women from lots of different places are inspired by Madonna.

[Glindathegood]

Em has always been a huge Madonna fan. She is a comedian so it is also tongue in cheek while getting her love across. It is astounding how many famous Australian women adore Madonna and talk about her. Comedians, singers, actresses, reporters and panellists - you name it.

Yes, that's what I thought that it was kind of a combination of being funny but also serious and that she is genuinely inspired by Madonna. I thought it was really well written.

[LHakaLH]

http://mobile.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/a-letter-to-my-real-mum-madonna/story-fnet0he2-1227353541329

TO MY real Mother,

Even though weve never met, your influence has permeated and directed my every move since I became aware that you were, in fact, my mum. When I saw you standing naked except for a pair of sky high stilettos and a cigarette dangling between your crimson lips on your Girlie show tour poster the day I realised who you truly were, I knew that from afar you would ensure my path in life by setting a sterling example in your own.Today I wish to thank you, Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone, for helping me to become the woman I am today.

Darling Mother while there is no biological proof of our connection, in my heart I know that in 1978 you made a secret trip to Australia where you met and fell in love with a small, wiry, Italian guitarist named Vincenzo. You had a wild one night stand in a seedy motel room and then 9 months later gave birth to me in a public toilet.

Not knowing what to do, and with no-one to turn to you left me wrapped in a studded, fringed leather jacket on Dads doorstep. You then ran away to New York to pursue your dreams, never to be heard from again.

Dad and I have never actually spoken about this however I can tell by looking into his eyes that thats EXACTLY what happened. In 1980 you joined a punk rock band called Emmy, which is what my family call me. In my mind that is proof enough.

Mother Madonna you were the first outspoken, short haired, muscular Italian woman that I had ever encountered. You were just like me, only you touched your vagina in public way more than I did. You were fierce, unapologetic and didnt give a f*** about what other people thought of you.

When I was 10 years old you released Like a Prayer and that song changed everything. It also resulted in me setting fire to the lounge room when I attempted to recreate your burning crucifix scene from the video clip, my other Mother was extremely upset with me but I knew that you wouldve approved of the green shag pile carpet being sacrificed for art.

As an 11 year old you were the reason I bonded with the AIDS patients at the infectious disease hospital my other Mother worked at. I would hang out with them in the hospice talking only of you. These glorious men of course believed me and once I told them that you were my real Mother they would immediately tell me how much we looked alike.

Mother we also share that in common, the gay community continue to lie to me, love me and hold my career up as well.

Now at 36, but still looking 29, I too find myself somewhat in the public eye. Im Australias Madonna. Dont google it, just trust me.

They may not know it yet but I have enough belief for everyone. I have two daughters and I am also in show business, that gene runs strong with us. Im a singer, a writer and a stand-up comedian. We are exactly the same except for the millions of dollars, world wide fame and 20 year old back up dancer/lovers.Much like you I have spent my career being told I am too everything. Too loud, too opinionated, too scary, too strong, too much. I did a soul destroying stint on Breakfast radio in Perth, and my first month there I was subjected to a listener advisory board meeting. This involved inviting listeners in, putting them in a small room, putting me in another room where I could hear everything that was being said, stuffing them with free pizza and asking them to verbalise all the things they didnt like about the on air team. In this case it was just me. I was made to listen to people say things like Her voice is so annoying, She seems like a complete bitch, She is SO opinionated.

During my time on air I received various threats, battled against both my co-hosts and my boss to attempt to maintain some sort of dignity on air and had things written about me in online forums that I felt only I had thought about myself in my darkest moments.

I was constantly told that who I was wasnt right, that I needed to change in order for people to like me. That I was a diva and impossible to work with. To be fair, I probably was a lot of the time.

It wasnt all bad, but I was lost in the wilderness, questioning all that I am for most of it. I hit rock bottom less than a year in when I found out I was expecting my second child and knew that could mean certain death for my career.

Then, in late 2005 you came back to me, you showed yourself again, resplendent in a pink leotard releasing Hung Up. It was yet another brilliant reinvention an up yours to anyone who dared call you irrelevant.

I felt reborn, powerful and sure-footed once more. I ended up quitting that radio job, moving back in with my parents and writing my first ever one woman stand-up show. I havent looked back since. I, like you, prefer to perform sans pants.

Thank you for showing me that it is OK to be both a devoted Mother and on a podium drenched in glitter. That I can remain fiercely myself and still raise impressive offspring. I am so sorry that recently you have been heavily criticised for daring to still have a career. Im sorry that it is mainly women tearing at you, the same women who probably wore lace fingerless gloves, multiple cross necklaces and belted Cherish into their hairbrushes.

Thank you for maintaining the rage you magnificent bitch, here is to the next 30 years and our eventual emotional reunion.

Yours in loyalty, Lycra and love,

Em

Em Rusciano is a comedian, writer, singer and regular news.com.au columnist. You can follow her on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.

This letter was originally read out at Women of Letters in Sydney, with the theme A letter to the person I never thanked.

This is some shit Little Monsters would pull! WTF! is this woman serious?!

[anastaza]

Yes, that's what I thought that it was kind of a combination of being funny but also serious and that she is genuinely inspired by Madonna. I thought it was really well written.

Agreed.

[Jazzy Jan]

This is some shit Little Monsters would pull! WTF! is this woman serious?!

No, you have it all wrong. She is a comedian and reporter and it is meant to be funny while also demonstrating her love for Madonna. She does not really think Madonna is her mother, it is her way of adding humour to the story. However her love and respect for Madonna shines through and that is what she is talking about.

[Guest bluejean]

She should've stuck to singing

[Ivy]

No, you have it all wrong. She is a comedian and reporter and it is meant to be funny while also demonstrating her love for Madonna. She does not really think Madonna is her mother, it is her way of adding humour to the story. However her love and respect for Madonna shines through and that is what she is talking about.

Oh Jazzy, I think Australian Humour is lost on many people though

I had tears by the time I got to the end of her letter

[Jazzy Jan]

Oh Jazzy, I think Australian Humour is lost on many people though

I had tears by the time I got to the end of her letter

Ivy, probably why a lot of people on the forum would think you and I are both mad and crazy I loved it as well and thought it was both funny and touching.

[nemo64]

Tongue-in-cheek ace and also emotive. Very nicely done, Em Rusciano!

[Carta]

Em is great and as Jazzy and others have pointed out, she has always been very open about her deep respect and admiration for Madonna. Take away the comical references to Madonna being her mother and you have a 100% genuine, honest and heartfelt tribute to her biggest inspiration.