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Hector

Mockumentary "In Psychiatric Bed With Lady Reductive" FLOPS

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The thread title, :dead::rotfl:

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That poor woman. Her legacy will be reduced to stale meatballs, a rat-infested restaurant and an attempt at shifting her BPD niece's public image.

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1 hour ago, LSD said:

 

Oh I love this - her weak "or written down by I should say" really reads 'earth open up and swallow me' - delicious. 

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:lol: at the little monsters getting mad at their fellow monster for "exposing" Lady Liar and giving Madonna fans ammunition 

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Madonna’s “Truth or Dare” was also an orchestrated look into the singer’s life. Did we get to know a lot about Madonna? No, only what she wanted us to know. It was another rehearsed show, but done with her knack for entertaining while provoking. Engineered entertainment, clean and precise, a production that had fun with its own vapid nature.

“Five Foot Two” is too amateurish to do any of that, let alone cut its own path. A star isn’t born here, she’s diminished.

http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/tv/la-et-st-gaga-five-foot-two-review-20170922-story.html

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Her Grandma tells her Joanne wrote the poem and flopga gets super excited thinking she will use it in a future song 😂😂😂.. 

The part where she plays her grandma the Joanne song is disgusting and uncomfy. She shoves the phone close to her and plays it loud. I felt so bad for granny. Even Cacas dad leaves the room...

 

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Gags' dad is just as nasty as his daughter. Him leaving for the room and pretending to be emotional is the worst acting ever. Poor Grandma. 

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The authorities should be notified of the elder abuse Lady Bullyga committed in that scene. :rant:

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9 minutes ago, loowee said:

Gags' dad is just as nasty as his daughter. Him leaving for the room and pretending to be emotional is the worst acting ever. Poor Grandma. 

Yeah he stood up as soon as the director said 3 2 1 action...

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3 hours ago, Hector said:

 

It’s insane how she tries to emulate M’s speaking voice but she just come off as a stupid and calculated junkie. :queenbitch:

This is a CLASSIC already. 

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Read it all and WEEP you fragile little minces :rotfl:

https://thezreview.com/2017/09/25/lady-gaga-whining-bore-new-netflix-documentary/

Lady Gaga Is A Whining Bore In New Netflix Documentary

by NEW YORK OFFICE on SEPTEMBER 25, 2017

If I was to sum up Lady Gaga’s new Netflix documentary, Gaga: Five Foot Two, it would be thusly:

See Gaga get her hair and makeup did.

See Gaga flash some flesh.

See Gaga cry about her physical pain/break up with boyfriend/loneliness.

See Gaga get massaged.

Repeat – ad nauseum.

Gaga burst on the scene nearly a decade ago with a pocketful of catchy tunes and her millennial derivation on Madonna’s button pushing sartorial assault and facile socio political commentary. Since then, she’s had her ups and downs — some great early success, followed by some notable dips in credibility/popularity. She’s been accused of being a Madonna rip-off, a flash in the pan, a provocateur, and a hermaphrodite. Maybe so.

As far as I’m concerned, what she’s always been (and always will be) is a middling talent with a decent set of pipes and an undeniable savvy for self-promotion. Her music is tertiary to the point of irrelevance compared to her carefully crafted persona. Still and all, I must admit I was slightly curious to watch Five Foot Two if only to see whether I’d been missing something over the years. I’ve got an open mind, after all, maybe I was just too obtuse to understand her brilliance.

Turns out, my assessment was dead on balls accurate.

Five Foot Two documents the period of Gaga’s 2016 record release Joanne and the preparation leading up to her Super Bowl performance. It’s the typical big star, whirlwind stuff seen in a million other documentaries – only decidedly more tedious. You see, Gaga broke her hip a few years back and is now in constant, debilitating agony. This is pretty much the main subject of the film. Far be it from me to doubt her condition, all I know is, throughout the entire proceedings, she’s jumping, dancing, lunging, working out, falling off horses…generally twisting her body like a pretzel. I mean, the woman is thirty, already. What does she expect her body to feel like after all that abuse?

So, if you’re interested in hearing Lady Gaga endlessly complain about her sore muscles for two hours, this doc is absolutely for you.

Okay, there are a few meager anecdotes here and there about the inherent misogyny of the music business, along with some personal stuff about the death of her aunt Joanne – for whom she titled her album. Gaga never knew her, but she was a great poet and artist, according to her father and grandmother. The family story goes, Joanne had lupus and the doctor wanted to amputate her hands, something her grandmother could not allow – so she dies at 19. A tragedy, to be sure – one with which Gaga completely identifies and uses as fodder for the ditty ‘Joanne.’

“I am Joanne,” exclaims Gaga.

Why exactly? We’re not sure. Joanne died a horrible death at 19 before any of her dreams could be realized. Gaga, conversely, has had worldwide acclaim, success and adoration since she was a kid. I don’t really see the connection – but whatever… it’s her family.

I understand Lady Gaga has legions of fans – her monsters – and I have no doubt they’ll be entertained out of their socks by Five Foot Two. But the fact is, it’s a slight work, devoid of any real insight or revelation. It’s complaint porn…the sad, oppressed megastar – it’s an act. It’s her version of Truth or Dare – as I said, her millennial derivation of Madonna. It’s also a major snooze…and so by the way is her music. Her voice, strong as it is, neither conveys nor evokes emotion. It’s an empty vessel…it’s a piercing, sonorous caterwaul. Her melodies are claustrophobic and clichéd…her lyrics craven, calculated and manipulative.

She’s playing to her base – her monsters. They love her but does she love them? Or does she just pander to them? Because it seems to me, at least judging from this documentary, the only person she cares a rat’s rectum about is herself. Throughout the entire film, you hardly hear her mention her fans, aside from the obligatory meet and greet with one obsessed monsterette. She just doesn’t come across as an empathetic person. In one particularly revealing snip of a scene, we see her speaking to someone she knows on the phone who’s dying of cancer. Upon hanging up all she can say is, “Everyone’s leaving me.” Talk about self-involved. She’s an unpleasant, irritating presence.

It comes as no surprise. Lady Gaga is what I always imagined her to be – an untenably narcissistic, medium-talent, bore.

That’s what she is, and that’s what this documentary is.

Sorry monsters…I know you’ll love it, though.

Rating: 1.0 TRIPE

If you’re interested in hearing Lady Gaga endlessly complain about her sore muscles for two hours, this doc is absolutely for you.

:clap:

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:dead: hilarious review!

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is the z review important or just a site where people can submit whatever they want?

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It's just a random small site. Though I see her fans harassing metacritic to include in their score praising reviews from very minor sites nobody ever heard of.

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Every time Gaga opens her mouth....

 

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When people start questioning, thread closes 

 

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5 hours ago, LSD said:

 

This is hilarious and also terribly sad. 

Gunt, who is a self-proclaimed expert on everything artistic didn't have any clue that Joanne had simply written down a poem she liked that someone else had written. Gunt attributes it to her and uses it to highlight their 'connection'. Then she gets called out on it's authenticity by her own fans. What a phoney.....

It sounds like Joanne probably wasn't even an artist at all - her 'creations' probably amounted to writing down other people's poems and painting replicates of other people's paintings? There is no shame in that of course, unless of course you turn around and try to pass that work off as your own. I'm not aware that Joanne did any such thing but it is definitely something Gunt knows a little something about.

The real shame here is Gunt trying to use her dead aunt for her own desperate self-promotion.

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6 minutes ago, swimtoshore said:

 

It sounds like Joanne probably wasn't even an artist at all - her 'creations' probably amounted to writing down other people's poems and painting replicates of other people's paintings? There is no shame in that of course, unless of course you turn around and try to pass that work off as your own. I'm not aware that Joanne did any such thing but it is definitely something Gunt knows a little something about.

Isnt this basically what Lady Gaga has been doing all along :lol: 

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20 minutes ago, Starman said:

Isnt this basically what Lady Gaga has been doing all along :lol: 

yes indeed!

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