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MadonnaNation Rebel Heart Reviews & Score


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I've been meaning to do this for ages, but now here finally is my review :dramatic:

Living for Love 5/10 – I just never got into this, it just sounds like a Blackbox b-side to me. I thought it was an awful choice of lead single, a fact perhaps borne out by its disastrous chart performance.

I don’t like the use of the cliché word empowered but on the plus side it has the best crow vocals EVER and I like the reference to Secret. I know that Alicia Keys had involvement in this and I also thought she might have been on the backing vocals, the “love” bit sounds just like her.

Devil Pray 8/10 – I’ve maybe played it too much so it’s went down a bit but this Madonna does “House of the Rising Sun” is a suitably spooky little spaghetti western number. Some may find it a bit cringe but I like the drug reference, something new at least and adds to the haunted, deathly feel.

Ghosttown 10/10 – Following in Devil Pray’s apocalyptic wake we have this great transition to what is simply Madonna’s greatest song in years. The “ah ah ah” bits oddly remind me of Nickleback’s “How You Remind Me”.

Unapologetic Cunt 9/10 – The catchiest track on the album, this will be great for summer, a real jam.

Illuminati 8/10 – Proof that Madonna reads this forum and is a fan of Lucky Guy’s posts. The most hip hop she’s ever gotten.

Cunt I’m Madonna 9/10 – Its closest precedent is Incredible, this is similarly OTT and crazy, the twerking break in the middle is pure Diplo, it’s so extreme and inappropriately youthful with a candyfloss melody, I love it. Nicki Minaj is an annoying little twerp but I’ve loved both of her Madonna appearances. I do agree with one review that Madonna doesn’t have to say she’s Madonna, but I kinda like that she did.

I played this initial batch of iTunes tracks (bar LFL which I didn’t download right away) so much that I’m kind of biased toward them and it seemed like she deliberately frontloaded them without paying attention to how the album flows, just choosing a dozen of the best tracks and it seems the only way for the album after this opening volley is down but…..

Hold Tight 6/10 – This is kind of disappointing for a Ryan Tedder song, I was expecting some big bombastic number, why couldn’t she get something like Ella Henderson’s Ghost. It’s a pleasant and serviceable album track but not much more. The instrumental bridge sounds like Ace of Base.

Joan of Arse 8/10 – In which she says she’s not a stuck up cunt, she’s got feelings too. This is really sweet, love the vulnerable vocal. The "I just close my eyes" is the best use of the British accent EVER. This shows the acoustic side of the album which is like a throwback to American Life.

Bubonic 6/10 – With an opening monologue from everyone’s favourite ear biting rapist, this is another in the line of Madonna’s motivational anthems but Beat Goes On this ain’t. She’s like the Tony Robbins of pop and spouts a few clichéd self help phrases. It’s like she’s ran out of things to talk about and only has one way of thinking, not everyone wants to be iconic.

And I hate her using another clichéd word like iconic which is often attributed to her a la reinvention but to add insult to injury she adds her favourite misused buzzword “ironic” which kills it stone dead. Argh. What exactly is ironic? This makes no sense. Nevertheless it’s a killer track for cardio. :lol: It threatens to turn into Deeper and Deeper at the chorus.

Heartbreak Shitty 6/10 – Where she complains about some guy who fucked her up the ass – figuratively of course, she’d probably like that the kinky bitch. You said I was your Queen, well you ARE our Queen. This is very album tracky, acceptable enough.

Body Shop 7/10 – This is one of the oddest things she’s done, it’s so muted and it takes you a while to see what she’s on about. The car/sex metaphor is interesting and very well done.

Holy Water 4/10 - Loathe as I am to say it, the NME review of the album was very ageist (hate all the whining about that) when they talked about middle aged sex. Sure no one wants to think about 60 year olds having sex, but this is Madonna!

Nonetheless they had a point about how explicit it was, and it is quite icky on this culprit track. Yeezus loves my pussy best… really? :ugh: Chasing the youth market is fine but this is ill advised, we don’t want people laughing at her. It’s not void of interest musically but it really is too much.

Inside Out 8/10 - Quite commercial sounding, may be a good single. Very solid.

Wash All Over Me 9/10 Perhaps the best of the lovely Heart ballads. I listened to the demo when it leaked and it did nothing for me but this is the ultimate grower.

Best Night 7/10 – This on the other hand is more subdued than Holy Water's naked assault and genuinely sexy with its quotes from JML and intriguing Arabian style music.

Veni Vidi Vici 9/10 – Again quoting bits of her past may be rather trite, but the rap of where she lists her hits Vogue-style is so cool. It also has the best part of the album with its amazing bridge “I was fearless like a renegade”, I was constant like a northern star :( The Nas rap is a dud, especially when compared to Chance the Rapper’s fierce rhymes on twin track Iconic. I love the gay boys lost their mind to Vogue lyrics.

S.E.X. 0/10 – Oh my god, you’re so hot :crazy: If Body Shop and Best Night are the acceptable side of the sex songs then this is the nadir. Just a complete embarrassment.

Messiah 8/10 – Really good ballad that resembles Pray for Spanish Eyes. Love the reference to Frozen at the end.

Rebel Heart 9/10 – I lived my live like a cunt faced bitch. This is unusual as it’s all in past tense, an acoustic twin to the awesome Veni Vidi Vici with her again ruminating on her past in her most reflective album. It’s very moving and it’s kind of like she’s saying goodbye. :(

Beautiful Scabs 9/10 – Wow, this is pure b-side material but I mean that in the best way, what a b-side. I was going to give it an 8 but it’s just too good for that.

Borrowed Time 7/10 – Argh, is she doing her favourite recent subject – time is running out, I’m old and I’ll offload this on to my ageing fans. :rant: Well not quite maybe. This is good while it plays but the hook doesn’t really stick.

Addicted 5/10 - :rotfl: That cat screeching chorus. Not for nothing did this get I Know It comparisons. Maybe it’ll attain cult status like I Know It years down the line. Opens just like ABBA's Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight).

Graffiti Heart 4/10 – This is shyt :fag:

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I forgot WAOM! I was playing the album but for some reason it was unticked so it skipped it. I'll edit it in, don't know about a review of the album as a whole, you can probably glean what I think from what I've said but overall great songs in a patchwork - not coherent in how they sequenced it.

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