“Just One More Wank Could Kill Me” Admits Avicii
EDM-country crossover star Avicii has blamed a “chronic porn addiction” for the current health issues which have seen the twenty five year old Swede put his music career temporarily on hold.
Speaking from his plush Los Angeles mansion, the two times Grammy nominated producer emotionally revealed that he had no choice but to take a break for music after doctors warned him of the serious long term health issue associated with a porn addiction.
“Porn was always a way for me to escape the mundane reality of life,” admitted Avicii, real name Tim Bergling. “It’s tough growing up in Sweden, we have long dark winters where it can be very hard to leave your house so, for me, the best way to deal with this was porn and the obvious masturbation that goes with it.”
“When I first broke onto the music scene I temporarily forgot porn. I had girls throwing themselves at me so I literally just didn’t have enough time or penises to even think about porn or jacking off,” continued a reminiscent Avicii. “Things were going great for me, I was healthy, my success was growing and for the first time in my life I had enough money to make sure I had clean underpants on everyday. Things couldn’t have got any better.”
“Then one day, about a year ago, I was feeling a bit down after listening to the mastered version of my album True so I decided to watch some porn,” he continued with a regretful tone. “At first I wanted to watch something funny, like a midget fucking a horse. You know just to cheer me up a little? But as soon as I started watching it I just got sucked deeper and deeper into it. Before I knew what I was doing I jacking off to grannyfootfetish.com in a public toilet.”
“It was all downhill from that day,” he admitted ruefully. “I’ve definitely watched some stuff that I’m not proud off. There’s something about sitting in a hotel room watching a middle aged, over weight woman sticking a pool cue so far up a skinny nineteen year old guy’s ass that it’s practically coming out of his mouth, that makes you pause for a moment and think ‘hey is this really the route I want my life to take?'”
“I think that’s when I knew I had a problem so I decided to go see a doctor,” continued Bergling. “They didn’t pull any punches with me, for which I’m very grateful, they just laid it all out on the table and told me the dangers I faced. The most worrying thing I found out was that I was about two masturbation sessions away from actually pulling my penis off.”
“The thought of losing little Eddie Halliwell, my name for my penis, is what made me want to clean up my act, my bed sheets and my internet browsing history,” he said determinedly. “I’m doing well. I’m taking baby steps but I’m getting there. I lost a lot of weight because I was burning so many calories and losing so many fluids with all the jacking off I was doing but I’m slowly putting it back on and my right arm has never been stronger.”
Avicii’s management have confirmed the star hopes to make a return to the music industry early next year with a brand new album inspired by his battle with porn addiction and featuring collaborations with Paris Hilton, Benny Banassi and Snoop Dogg to be released next March.